on saturday may the 22nd of may 2004 sludgefeast fought for supremacy in the first sludgefeast videogame pentathlon. so in this first pentathlon 2 members of the feast (gareth and james) took on 2 members of the public, gavin gillingham and dr.tymn as he prefers to be known. in one evening 10 games were played, and the outcome was worked out as an overall team score, and an individual score, so the rules....(oh yes and I know pentathlon means 5 rounds but it just sounds good)
RULES -
score, the person who comes first overall in a game gets 4 points, second 3, third 2, fourth 1.
individual rounds will be scored in the same way.
beer/alcohol - must be drunk. anyone who appears to be drinking less than others will have their score adjusted accordingly.
GAMES - (xbox got most play because of system link options)
XBOX
1 kung fu chaos 4 rounds of jump the spinning pole
2 rainbow six, last man standing 1 life 2 rounds on 3 maps, airport 1, old city and training.
GAMECUBE
3mariokart a complete cycle through all 4 tracks of the mushroom cup.
4super monkeyball 2 monkey target 2 one complete game.
SATURN
5Manx TT superbike 1 player game track one best time (or most checkpoints if time runs out) has it.
XBOX
6 motoGP2 2 laps round 3 tracks, suzuka, philip island, estoril, off road sims 50%, collisions on, AI's off, sunny, stock bikes.
7 halo 4 15 kill rounds, custom starting weapons (pistol/assault riffle/4 human grenades) + vehicles. battle creek, longest and wizard
PS2
8 time crisis 2, clay pidgeon shoot modern version. you have to sit quite close to the TV for the guns to work properly, so we will mark a space carefully and watch for any cheating i.e. moving nearer the screen, and use a crow bar do stop it happening again.
XBOX
9 TOCA if we can steal a 4th copy of toca 2 then the sunshine cup in GT40's. 2 laps. if not then toca 1, nissan skylines, brands hatch short, sears point, bathhurst 3 laps per race.
10. ghost recon island thunder, last man standing, 4 rounds, beach resort, island, trenches and ruins.
so after a load of fucking around we eventually got together and started playng..
kung fu chaos, this was anyones, gav took it despte me and gareth ganging up on him for one of the four games, with me in second, gareth in third and tymn in crappy last.
Dr. tymn the face of faliurenow I was pretty confident about the next title rainbow six 3, but in the end the pressure just got to me and I fell apart, I should have had it it, it was between me and tymn but we got so fucking terrified by running around in dark corridors that somehow the under dog rose up and took it, at one point gav walked past tymn launched a grenade in to the wall in front of himself, which caused him to burst in to flames, then whilst still on fire he ran back round the corner and shot tymn, he could have said it was style, but we all knew it was just luck, jesus thats two wins to gav, fuck.
so next it was suggested that we play motogp 2 as gareth claimed to be crap at it when drunk, gav then protested the same here, now me a tymn never had achance on this, gareth is 400th odd in the world on this game and gav isnt far behind, 3 track suzuka, estoril and phillip island....on the first band gavin and gareth took a gamble by driving too close to each other, gavin fell off his bike and was ddomed to drive around behind till just before the end of the race, when gareth took it there were some moans and complaints from gavins corner about being knocked off....estoril neither of the top two fell off and gav took it, then philip island the decider, half way around the second lap drama arose again, when gareth in advertantly knocked gavin off, giving him the win (and much needed team feast points) afterwards gavins only comments were "you won the two where you knocked me off you fucking bastard", despite being an accident the circumstances were very suspicious....
Does this look like the face of a cheater to you? (that's observer nik in the background)mariokart wasnt without its drama's, being gav's game I can make that an excuse for why he won. me and dr. tymn drew for 3rd/4th place and had a play off which I lost! yes my first last place of the evening...
monkey target 2, I always thought this game was quite intuitive, that's why I chose it, and its fucking great, I guess its pretty tricky, I guessed fromthe amount of other players just crashing blindly in to the sea, yes I ran away with this one, I guess it being my game people will use that as the excuse for why I won (although gareth has a copy, I guess he's just never played it)
I don'tr know why, but then we dropped donkey konga and moved on to manx TT on the saturn, it being my game I didnt have a warm up round (I played it once when I got it with my saturn) after lots of complaining about how shit it was/looked (well I like it) we got going, 3 lap time trial, I did pretty well with a 3:13, gareth did really fucking badly (he chose not to have a warm up for some reason) 3:20, tymn 3:15, then gav somehow at the end pulled out a 3:12, it was probably for the best seeing as if I had won I woulkd have been called a cheat, but why did gav have to win???? fucking cock.
next was halo, which I tend to own on, but the pressure of iminent defeat was getting to me, I still grabbed first but only just with both gav and tymn winning a round each...in to the final 3 games, toca 2 gareth managed to win, I accidentally took a short cut but at the cries of cheat from gav I slowed and let him past to get second place...dr was trailing somewhere far behind, he doesnt seem to be so good at racing...
ghost recon again a game I should have done well in, I came third, things just werent going me way, or team feast as gareth pulled in in last place the win went to the shit driver tymn. leaving gav with too many points for anyone to catch,
Fuck you.so a final round in time crisis 2, I went first doing really badly, then gav beat me then gareth beat gav, tymn and gav had a play off for 2nd/3rd in which tymn manged to lose...
so it was all over, I think I had one of the most appaling evenings of video games playing ever, Gav seemed to be on top form and pulled out a astounding suprise win, so final standings :
Gav being smug with his winners chocolate bar.
the truth of it is it was all orchestrated by team feast so that this would be tthe final result :
team total team score team feast 50 team public 50 yes a draw, so a rematch will be held sometime soon, where the feast will deal out pain to these lame ass challengers.
smug Gav eats his winningsof course these statistics alone dont give the full picture....beer standings as they stood when we put down our time crisis guns...(it was only a short session 3 - 4 hours so the count isnt really very high) -
The score card, there it is, my defeat in black and white....
If you want to enter the next feast pentathlon, let us know and we'll start arranging it, you will have to travel to dorset for the day, and you will also have to face the humiliation of being defeated utterly.
